What kind of introspective mother would I be if I did not reflect on the goings on of 2017 as we prepare to ring in the new year? For many of us, the end of 2017 brings a sigh on relief, with the hope of 2018 being a brighter, healthier, more peaceful year suspended in the air just above our heads, not unlike the mistletoe leftover from the numerous Christmas celebrations. I see so many social media posts about the darkness and difficulty of this past year, from humorous comments on having survived it to the down right morose summations of the many terrifying, awful, and complex events. I wonder, though, was it all bad?
On a global scale, the world has had a rough 2017: from multiple natural disasters within our own borders, mass shootings, refugee crisis in Europe and North Africa, ethnically-fueled attacks in Myanmar, increased political strife beginning at home and spanning across the world, and the continued and scary warming of our planet. These are just the big ones. Regardless of whether popular media exploits some of these events for ratings or not, the reality is that big and anxiety-provoking things are happening in the world and the more we pay attention, the more overwhelming it can become. It is no wonder that virtually everywhere I turn online, I see memes and not-so-humorous posts about wanting to hibernate through the rest of 2017 in order to avoid any more bad news.
However, I find that as the world events around us take dark and frightening turns, we have a tendency to see things in an all-or-nothing manner. It’s either all good and wonderful, or, more accurately, all awful. In fact, from a psychological stand point, we tend to exaggerate in our minds the bad events, things, and experiences and dismiss or devalue the good things and happenings. It’s a concept known as negativity bias and has been shown to be somewhat “contagious” and spread among human beings across social networks and even society-wide. (If you’re interested, you can check out Rozin and Roysman’s 2001 findings here)
Just looking at my life over 2017, it’s easy to see quite a few upsetting twists and turns: January 2nd of this year my mom, baby and I were in a terrifying car accident. We walked away with pretty minor injuries compared to what could have been, but that was not an easy way to start out the year. My darling girl spent the next month and a half waking up hourly every.single.night screaming at the top of her lungs. My battle with postpartum depression became particularly rough in February and lasted several months, seemingly going away, but since morphing into a significant relapse of anxiety and panic attacks in September. We endured the unexpected loss of my uncle’s beloved and very young wife the week of Thanksgiving, and having to say goodbye to our family dog just days before Christmas. Financial struggles, health issues, and personal inadequacies were sprinkled in between all of that…. looking at it this way, I had a pretty crummy 2017. But wasn’t there also good stuff along the way? And wasn’t it pretty darn GREAT good stuff?
What about all of Alice’s milestones and firsts? From staring solids to crawling to standing, to now walking and running – every single one was a huge achievement and source of pride and joy unlike anything I have ever experienced. Undeniably, with the growth and milestones came tiny moments of heartache, tugged by the realization my baby isn’t a baby anymore and just how fast her first year flew by, and that all my attempts at holding on to those newborn moments slipped through my hands faster than water. But the joy and pride and excitement I share with her every time she learns something new, whether with our help or completely spontaneously all on her own, those feelings and snapshots in time far outweigh the bittersweet sadness. They are worth every sleepless night, and exasperated “why are you crying” or “what do you need” and the frustration at myself and at the world when I cannot fix the tummy ache or the pain of the tooth making it’s way through that soft pink gum of hers. And while Alice’s presence and development are plentiful and trigger in me feelings or immense happiness and gratitude, hers were not the only positive moments and achievements this year.
I completed my second master’s degree dissertation and received my diploma in early summer; I enrolled and successfully completed two new certifications, the ICEA Childbirth Educator and UCSD Extension Lactation Education Counselor certificates, which have led me on this new path I am impatient and excited to explore in 2018. I have triumphed over certain health issues and limitations, and have continued to seek education, understanding, and connections within the world of birth work and beyond, all with the kind, encouraging, and perhaps at times coddling support of my family and friends. How blessed am I to have so many people in my life intent on spoiling Alice with devotion and attention, nurturing her (and myself) when I am running out of steam, and loving us both fiercely and unconditionally, even from hundreds of miles away. There are not enough words to express the gratitude I feel. And I think that perhaps that has been my lesson from 2017…
Taking the time, on a daily basis, to acknowledge and express gratitude, whether in person or online, through gifts or words or a silent moment, a hug, a smile… not just thanking those who have helped you, those who have gone out of their way for you, or even God or the universe, (whatever it is you believe in), but really taking the time to recognize, within yourself, just how good we have it. It is not always easy, and there may be times when feeling gratitude is impossible, (let’s pray those times are few and far between). But I endeavor to try, every day of 2018, to be consciously grateful for one thing, one little thing. Even if that one thing is Alice’s smile or when she says “mama” for the 17th time in a row…Lord knows, those are huge things to be grateful for.
Many of the online new year posts from various friends and strangers have been quoting J.K. Rowling’s sadly pertinent words uttered by Albus Dumbledore: “‘Dark and difficult times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”. And it may well be true for the coming year or even longer. None of us have a crystal ball or a movie trailer to preview what the year has in store. Faith and hope are all we have entering this new phase of life, this new calendar year. Let’s take the time to be kind, to be compassionate, to be open and warm with one another, and let’s take the time to be grateful. That may be the biggest catalyst for positive change between 2017 and 2018.
Happy New Year, dear friends and family. And I am off to go hug my teething cranky adorable baby girl!!!
.