Fitness. Healthy Lifestyle. Buzzwords? Or actions?

Let’s talk fitness, for a moment. Perhaps one of the most overused words on social media, especially scrolling though Instagram. #fitness. When I see this hashtag and the accompanying photos, I have one of two reactions – either a massive ‘ugh’ and an eye roll, thinking who in the world has luxury of time and money to dedicate a massive chunk of their life to exercise or, on other days, I find myself thinking I could absolutely look like that and feel as shiny and healthy as the person in the photo seems to be. They radiate a sense of accomplishment and pride and I find myself longing to do the same. And at best the motivation lasts a few days. At worst, a few hours. What follows is typically a spiral of excuses or down right negative thoughts, leading me by the hand into the comfortable covers of my bed or the super soft cushions of my arm chair, where scrolling through social media thrives and physical motivation suffocates and turns to dust.

It’s a self perpetuating cycle that has been pretty consistent since I broke my knee in 2005. Before that accident, I was dancing competitively around the clock and while my diet was about as ‘clean’ and ‘healthy’ as your average American teenager, my physical fitness was undoubtedly fine, right? Looking back, all of the dance classes I was taking certainly fit into the World Health Organization recommendations for weekly aerobic activity (300 minutes for healthy lifestyle!) but I doubt the rest of my lifestyle particularly aligned with what’s considered healthy. I was perpetually overweight for my height, I had a lot of chronic digestive issues, and my anemia and anxiety ran rampant. In many ways it was understandable: teenager, busy with numerous extracurricular activities, eating high school food during the day and snacks on the go (though plenty of home cooked meals otherwise) and just a general way of thinking that I am young and active, therefore I’m fine.

It’s been almost 13 years since that painful July 5th afternoon, when I broke my patella, tore the surrounding ligaments, and permanently ended my dance aspirations. During this time, my health and weight have been on a roller coaster and my commitment to my well-being seems to follow a similar path. What baffles me, is why? A lack of discipline isn’t the problem here – I have fully committed myself to a variety of goals throughout the years and with hard work accomplished a number of them with pride and distinction. A lack of time? Perhaps. I am a single parent and prior to that completed two master’s degrees and worked throughout. Life is busy. I am busy. But everyone is busy. Lack of time is probably a cop out, at least, on the grand scale. I have fit in workouts after my daughter goes to bed, or while taking her for walks, or on weekends while my family watches her. But it has never been regular. A lack of finances? Maybe. I have taken several private yoga classes at a local health center and loved the results but could not continued due to costs. But in reality, we all know that expensive classes and gym memberships are not necessary in the age of YouTube and low-cost home exercise equipment such as yoga mats, resistance bands, weights, medicine balls, etc. So what’s the problem?

I think perhaps it’s the fact that the terms fitness and healthy lifestyle seem to carry with them an all-encompassing context, a huge life overhaul, in order to be successful, to be on the other side of this health hurdle. Think about all of the transformation stories you read about (or even see on television shows like the Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover: Weight-loss Edition), the success stories always describe a commitment to physical exercise, getting health issues under control, completely re-vamping one’s diet, throwing out anything that may be tempting in the house, and in some cases, close calorie counting and abstinence from alcohol. All good things. All important aspects of healthy living. Not at all realistic for everyone on a regular basis. I think there is a mental trap which paints healthy living as all-all-nothing concept: either you do all of the above or you’re failing at your healthy goals (or new year’s resolutions) and this might as well throw in the towel.

I believe that mental trap is what keeps me in unhealthy patterns: what does it matter if I participated in a fast paced yoga class and ran on the treadmill if I came home and ate several chocolate cookies? I’m still going to be overweight tomorrow and those cookies are going straight to the cellulite in my thighs so I might as well just not bother to go again tomorrow. Or, my personal favorite: when I stick to my goals for a full week and see zero results by the end of it, at which point I’m sore and frustrated and the following week is spent mostly sitting at my desk. Clearly everything I did the week before doesn’t matter and was not worth my time as I saw zero results.

What about the fact that taking a walk outside with Alice 4 times that week got my body some Vitamin D, extra oxygenation, and some quality time with my girl? What about the fact that the yoga stretch and breathing exercises I did after I put the baby to bed equaled better sleep and increased range of motion the next day? What about the sheer sense of accomplishment that comes with checking off my goals off the list by the end of the week? Those good feelings and positive view of myself likely counter the ever present feelings of anxiety and probably keep me from having yet another panic attack. Does none of that count?

Of course it does. We have to change our way of thinking. It’s not an all or nothing – every single step COUNTS. The set backs, or

the days when we just couldn’t or wouldn’t do it – let those be lessons. Did I have a legitimate reason? Or did I just flake out? Or worse, tell myself it’s not worth it and I will never achieve the level of fitness I desire? How do those thoughts and the days when I do not accomplish anything on my “health” to-do list make me feel? Let those feelings be a lesson.

I am turning 29 soon and a thought hit me the other day: I can hear thirty knocking on the door and I would really like to look back and know that I made positive, lasting lifestyle changes for my health while still in my 20’s. That I made a conscious decision to take care of myself and my well-being for the sake of my daughter, of myself, and of whatever or whomever the next decade of my life may bring. I also decided to re-visit this idea of creating to-do lists for exercise – a to-do list makes it seem like an errand or a chore. Something that I need to get done and if I don’t today, I will be behind tomorrow. Logically, sure, that works. But it’s a faulty way of thinking, one which probably keeps me from dedicating myself to regular healthy lifestyle choices.

I think it’s better to say that every day, I will find the time for my health. Whatever that means in the context of daily life: today, I can say I went to the gym and took a fantastic yoga class where I laughed and worked hard and braved the wheel pose for the first time since breaking my knee and actually stayed up for 30 seconds! Tomorrow, it may mean that I take Alice and myself for a walk. The day after when I have far too many things on my to do list, it will probably mean taking a bath and stretching a little afterwards, to release the tension that accompanies training for my new job. And so on, and so on. Rather than telling myself that I must exercise every day for a certain number of minutes, I am instead encouraging myself to find time, whether 15 minutes or two hours, for my health. And I think, in due time, this kind of approach can lead to improvement of my physical and mental health, to appreciation of what I am doing for myself, to gratitude to my body for what it allows me to engage in despite my limitations, and then, down the road, to a healthy lifestyle.

So no, fitness and healthy lifestyle are more than buzzwords. They are more than Instagram posts and magazine headlines. They are choices that you make for yourself, for your overall well-being, for your ability and strength at this particular moment, and for your goals down the road. There is not any one way, or any right way, to lead a healthy lifestyle. It is not an all-or-nothing, far out of reach entity. It is actions, mindful, in the moment actions, which allow you to feel better than you did yesterday and work hard, for yourself.

My commitment to myself starts here. Right here: raw, unfiltered, un-retouched. Let’s see just how far I can go…