Ah stress. Perhaps one of the most obscure and overused words in the English language. While the editors of the Merriam-Webster dictionary emphasize “mental tension” under “extreme circumstances” as the focal points of it’s definition, I think we can agree that stress has become an all-encompassing state of being for us modern women, and even more so – modern moms. It’s not that parental pressures didn’t exist in past generations – there are very few “new” things under the sun, and I’m certain that child rearing anxieties and self-imposed expectations have been a part of this journey of parenthood since the dawn of humanity (with certain obvious aspects of parental worry and stress being entirely primal and mammalian in origin). But something about our modern way of life, our desire to be the best parents possible while holding on to our careers and our identities, our desperate hopes for, and faithful dedication to, raising compassionate, healthy, thriving, intelligent, decent human beings who will perhaps make the world a kinder and more welcoming place than that of recent times, our struggle to maintain friendships and relationships beyond those of the immediate circle, and our love-and-hate relationship with social media have all somehow created this new “stressed out” and touched out category of parents, and, dare I say – especially mothers, for whom the physiological, mental, and emotional consequences of stress have become the new normal.
Phew…just that last sentence alone is enough to overwhelm and “stress out” an already exhausted mom looking for some light reading in that brief time between her babies going to sleep and knocking out herself. I could probably write an entire book on stress, and it’s psychological manifestations, it’s bodily aches and pains, it’s ability to change our brain chemistry and anatomy (and not for the better). But at the moment I’d like to address one specific aspect of stress and mommyhood – milk supply issues.
After 15 (successful albeit challenging) months of breastfeeding my little one, I suddenly found my daughter fussing at the breast, unlatching and re-latching, breaking down and crying, and just being a complete mess while nursing. It came about overnight and I was understandably concerned as to what was going on. So like any logically confused mom, I popped out my trusty (rented hospital-grade) pump and strapped on the all too familiar plastic cones we call flanges in an attempt to check on my milk supply… and to my horror, after 25 minutes of extremely hands on pumping, all I got out was 5mls. Yup. 5mls from both breasts 3 hours after “nursing” my daughter. I was in shock and frankly, distraught.
What followed was a whirlwind 3 weeks of visits to one lactation consultant, emails with another two, desperate posts in various mommy-friends forums and groups, pumping around the clock every 2-3 hours, and pretty much every herb and supplement ever recommended for increasing milk supply along with research and lots of tears. What I found during this time were two groups of people – ones who were as confused as I was about what was going on and were seeking answers to my desperate state, and ones who lovingly assured me that 15 months was a great achievement and “good enough”. I have to admit – were I in their shoes, I probably would have said the same. But I knew in my heart of hearts, in my mom gut, that this wasn’t it for us. I kept up this regiment through somewhat tumultuous times: the unexpected passing of a family member, preparation and worry over my childbirth certification exam, anxiety over job interviews and job prospects, and other “stresses” of daily life. And I saw very little improvements. The most I would pump was 0.5oz. I was devastated. I couldn’t understand what in the world was causing this sudden dryness; I felt like a failure, I felt less than a good mom, and photos of nursing mothers or bottles full of pumped breastmilk on Instagram frankly pissed me off. I was at a loss. I felt, in many ways, like I was grieving the loss of my milk supply.
One of the LC’s I was in touch with gently suggested that perhaps the stress I was experiencing was worse than I gave it credit for. It was a simple thought and yet so incredibly complex: when you start to think about stress, you become even more stressed. For those of you who, like myself, may struggle with anxiety or panic attacks, you know all too well that all of these worrisome experiences are self-perpetuating cycles, spirals of negativity, which get more and more dizzying and disorienting the more you think about them. I thought to myself that maybe stressing about the milk supply issue, stressing about my life events at the moment, and stressing about how maybe stress is affecting my milk supply could actually be a bigger problem than I thought…. well, DUH.
I can’t really say that things have gotten much better… It has been nearly a month since this sudden supply drop began, and some things have certainly changed. I finished my certification programs and passed my exam, (yay!), I was finally free to enjoy the holidays, (also yay!), we had to say goodbye to our family dog (absolutely heartbreaking but necessary, she was very old and clearly suffering), and Alice decided this would be a prime time to catch a cold, so nursing was demanded even more so than usual. I am (somewhat) happy to report that after 6 days of not pumping and really, REALLY slacking on taking my supplements, I pumped 25mls one hour after nursing Ali to sleep. It may seem like very little but it’s the most I’ve had in weeks. Alice has been much happier at the breast, nursing without popping on and off, a lot more audible swallowing, and even three nights of 4am wake up calls that went somewhat like this “mama! boob! mama! boob!”…. So, does stress affect my milk supply?
I suppose I don’t have a definitive answer. And I am not out of the milk-drying woods yet. But I would say that there is a correlation between the two and we have to find ways to fight the commonplace stress that has permeated virtually every aspect of our lives. Not just for the sake of our milk supplies, but for the sake of our overall happiness, health, longevity, and sanity. How? Well, that’s a whole different conversation to be explored further. But for now, answer me this: how do you convince yourself not to stress without stressing about the stress?